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STRUGGLE SESSION: Chosen Family, Pocket Altar Boys, Muppet-Faced Men and more!
Jul. 10th, 2025 11:55 pm![[syndicated profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/feed.png){kind=small}
savagelove_feedNo Struggle Session this week — my summer of dashing around the world to see family continues (next up: chosen family) — but there’s a wonderful conversation unfolding in the comment thread on this week’s column about being non-binary and what binaries need to know about dating non-binaries. (Yes, Alex, there was a master plan!) … Read More »
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The Big Idea: Sara Omer
Jul. 10th, 2025 03:30 pmscalziwhatever_feed
When you see a possibly terrifying mythical creature, is your first thought, I’m totally gonna pet that? If so, then Sara Omer, author of The Gryphon King, might have something in common with you.
SARA OMER:
At its core, The Gryphon King is about a horse girl on a quest for vengeance versus a man with cat-related PTSD. But before I can get into the infernal horse and lion biology at play, I have to gush about the monster-riding story more generally.
Just as children wish for puppies, children reading fantasy books wish for dragons. The unbreakable bonds between fire-breathing beasts and reluctant heroes populate epic fantasy stories, but if giant flying lizards aren’t your style, there’s any number of mythic monsters that might be mountable (monster romance implications of that statement aside). I love a dragonrider story as much as the next person, probably more than most people, but there’s a whole ecosystem of underutilized fantastic monsters out there that deserve some time in the spotlight. In the empire of Dumakra in The Gryphon King, there is at least one stable full of flying horses that didn’t ask to be ridden into battle or form lifelong bonds with power-hungry morally gray disaster princesses, but we can’t always fight the fate we’re dealt.
Growing up, having my own horse was as much a fantasy as having my own dragon, but I like to think I lived a tangential horse girl experience. I wasn’t yet in kindergarten when I learned to ride horses, taught by the grandfatherly carriage driver Mr. “Grandpa” Clint, who drove his carriage around the town square. After learning how to drive a carriage at an age that was definitely not road legal (to the chagrin of many other children), Grandpa Clint taught me how to ride a horse at his stable. The horse for the job was an ancient old white gelding living a life of comfort in retirement, and who I enthusiastically urged to a flying gallop my first time on the trail. I had a wonderful time as my mom and Mr. Clint raced after, concerned I would be terrified or die, probably. Surprise, I lived. I think everyone should experience that exhilaration, and a few hundred feet off the ground while you’re at it.
I had a formidable collection (army) of Breyer horses, although unlike Nohra in The Gryphon King, I didn’t grow up with an imperial stable. But some family friends had their own horses and boarded them nearby. Sometimes I would get to go ride or hang out at the stable and in the pastures. Rambo, their stubborn paint gelding, was barely tall enough to even be considered a horse rather than a pony, and I vividly remember a time he got kicked, presumably for being an asshole, and the bloody branding of the hoof that slowly healed. For this and other reasons, I’m convinced every horse is a little like a dragon.
There are multiple breeds of mythic horses I added to the bestiary that is The Gryphon King. Because why stop at sky horse when you can have water horse? And when I really got to thinking about the biology of pegasuses, I wanted to explore their avian side. What better way to celebrate the incredible Eurasian horses and the birds of prey in the region than combine them into one omnivorous monster that has an appetite for blood? As if horses weren’t already dangerous enough, now they really, really want to eat your fingers and the barn cats. And—oh, look—the battlefield became good grazing once the fighting’s quieted down. Really, pegasuses are a little terrifying, and they’re not even the most threatening strain of horse in Dumakra.
The moral is that if you make a bird big enough, humans begin to look like the small animals scurrying through the tall grass, evading tooth and talon. And what’s more terrifying than horse-eagle? Lion eagle.
I have utmost respect for anyone who can make a big cat with a massive wingspan seem docile and friendly; I just think, considering the injuries a falconer could incur and compounding those with what might befall your average lion tamer, you should have to sign a few release waivers to approach a gryphon.
Maybe I made all my animals ferocious because nature is ferocious and dangerous, and when people play at power, they don’t come close to the might of beasts. But their actions have often irreparable impacts on nature nonetheless.
Fear and respect can coexist. Add a little human curiosity, and I would never fault anyone who decided to ride a murder horse. The Gryphon King is for the readers who would go out of their way to pet a man-eating monster, who would risk it all to bond with a creature that could kill them a few different ways on purpose or by accident—I’m a little scared for your wellbeing, but I respect the drive and share the dream.
The Gryphon King: Amazon|Barnes & Noble|Bookshop|Powell’s
Sex & Politics #40: Jonathan Parks-Ramage
Jul. 10th, 2025 11:00 amsavagelove_feedFor this episode of Sex & Politics, Dan chats with novelist Jonathan Parks-Ramage about his new book “It’s Not the End of the World” a dystopian novel with plenty of GAY SEX. Dan and Jonathan talk about how gay romance is often misrepresented in fiction, queer parenting, why kinky men are turned on the “fascist … Read More »
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Into the Woods
Jul. 9th, 2025 09:11 pmscalziwhatever_feed
Krissy is off visiting friends for a couple of days, and so it falls to me to take the dog for her daily walk through the local nature preserve. I mean, I could not do it, but then I would disappoint Charlie, and, look, you just do not want to disappoint a dog. She will look at you all mopey and sad for the whole rest of the day. No thank you. A walk is vastly preferable. Plus, you know. I need the exercise too.
How has your Wednesday been?
— JS
Sex Lizard
Jul. 8th, 2025 11:00 amsavagelove_feedA queer woman has a non-binary, AFAB spouse. Her partner can mime the action of cunnilingus with their tongue, flicking and teasing across the dinner table, like a horny lizard. The caller wishes she could do the same, but her tongue just doesn’t work that way. She also gets low marks on her oral technique, … Read More »
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Fear of Fairing
Jul. 8th, 2025 11:00 amsavagelove_feedI’m a 44-year-old woman with a history of childhood sexual trauma. I enjoy sex if I’m with a partner I feel very connected to emotionally, but I’ve never had an orgasm. Because of this I tend to rely on pleasing my partner during sex rather than my own arousal. It works OK for me at … Read More »
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Dead Rats Don’t Fly: Finally! Out In the World!
Jul. 7th, 2025 04:03 pmscalziwhatever_feed
It’s 1987 and my friend Tommy Kim has an idea to make his college applications stand out from the crowd: In addition to the usual essays, grades and test scores, he’s going to include a cassette of songs he’s written, performed by a band he put together, and professionally produced in an actual studio. The band he put together included a bunch of friends and schoolmates, including me on drums and my pal Kevin Stampfl on bass. Our name: Dead Rats Don’t Fly, or “DRDF” for short. Why did we call ourselves that? Look, pal, it was the 80s, okay. Lots of things didn’t make sense. The four-song EP we cranked out in two days of studio time was called 327, named after Tommy’s room number in the Holt dormitory at Webb.
So, how was 327 as musical statement? Well, it is exactly the music that you’d expect from a bunch of rock-loving 80s teenage dudes of varying musical abilities hastily tossed together into a band with only two days of studio time at their disposal. Are the songs… good? With all love: No. In the performances, can you sense primordial musical talent waiting for its moment to arrive? Also no. Could the drummer keep a beat without speeding up? I mean, sometimes? Tommy did get into college at least one place, so it did what it was supposed to do. Otherwise, it’s a kind of a mess.
But I think it’s an endearing mess, and at the time, waaaaay back in 1987, when we got our band copies of the EP (on cassette! It was the 80s!), we thought it was pretty damn cool. Kevin and I drove around in his Mustang, listening to the thing, kind of dazed that we had actually been in a studio, and that music we made had been committed to a permanent medium. 327 isn’t exactly good, but 17-year-old me was still proud of it, and I had a blast playing songs with my friends. And that was a good thing.
(It also allowed me to play a great prank: when Steve Shenbaum, one of the singers — yes, we had two — arrived at Northwestern for his freshman orientation and met his dorm’s resident assistant, the RA said “Steve Shenbaum? Of DRDF? Dude, that’s my favorite band!” and all the upperclassmen in the dorm were able to recite the EP’s lyrics to him. He was amazed, as he recounted to me a couple days later when I called him to see how his college experience was shaping up, and eventually it was my giggling into the phone as he told me about it that revealed that I had called his RA a day before he showed up to set the bait for him. It was delightful. I believe Steve has forgiven me. Probably.)
I misplaced my 327 tape years ago, and of course these days I don’t have a cassette player anyway, and for years the EP passed into myth, and then into legend (for, like, the extremely limited number of people who know the band members and/or ever heard the cassette or heard DRDF play live at our single concert). Then a few years ago Steve sent me an MP3 rip of his cassette of 327 (see? I told you he’s forgiven me!) and I had it again. I listened to it! It was still terrible! Nevertheless I took one of the songs from it, called “It’s a New Reality” (I wrote the lyrics for it, you see), cleaned it up slightly with Logic Pro, and put it up on YouTube. A fun, or at least nostalgic, time was had by the 1.6k people who listened to it since I posted it.
But what of the rest of 327? Well, it’s a few years later now, I’m somewhat more proficient at musical production, and music recovery tools are better these days, so you know what? Fuck it, I’ve gone back and rehabbed the entire EP now. I went in, stemmed out the vocals, drums and other instruments, cleaned and brightened them, moved around some of the bum notes to get them (mostly) on key, sonically painted over the clicks where I hit my drumsticks together, and in one place patched a place in the recording where a tape head clearly jammed up, leaving a blank space in a song, pasting in the keyboards and adding a bridge vocal.
The cleanup has reveal 327 as a minor classi — no, actually it hasn’t, it’s still a bunch of 80s kids bashing together tunes on a tight schedule with more enthusiasm than actual talent (well, the guitarist, a ringer Tommy brought in named George Huang, was actually talented; he was our age but had clearly been playing for years. The rest of us? Hey, we tried!). Also, it wouldn’t have done to try to erase every artifact of its 80s amateurishness, and I’m not that good an engineer anyway, so there’s still tape hiss (and lossy MP3 simmerwarble), compressed dynamics, variable tempos and other evidence that what you’re hearing was hauled up from the subterranean depths of four decades ago. Don’t kid yourself. If you’re listening to this, it’s out of curiosity more than anything else.
Which is fine! And better than fine! 327 (now named 327/38 to note that it’s been 38 years since we got together to make this — actually maybe 39, since I’m a little fuzzy on the exact dates, but it hardly matters now, so I’m sticking with 38) is an artifact of another time and place, when hair bands ruled the earth and teenagers made their music fast and dirty in studios rather than on their laptops. It wasn’t a better time (I like making music on my laptop, thank you!), but it was a different time, and it shows. We had fun, and that was its own excuse. Plus Tommy got into college!
Enough with the liner notes, here are tunes. Note that on the original 327 some of these songs may have had different titles, but I can’t remember what they were. It’s been a while, okay?
One Hit (To the Body): If memory serves correctly, this is a song Tommy wrote about being nostalgic for a bunch of friends at… summer camp, I think? There’s a tape warble in the middle of the song that I left in because I don’t how to fix it, and also it adds a sort of verisimilitude to the 80s experience, that horrifying moment when you wonder if your tape player is going to eat your cassette. 80s kids know this pain.
It’s a New Reality: Our hit single! I wrote the lyrics imagining David Lee Roth singing it (the arrangement in my brain was different than it is here). Tommy wrote the bridge about rock and roll being in our blood, because we needed a bridge. There are some very 80s guitar solos in here. Thank you George, wherever you are! You’re probably a doctor now or something. But you could rock back in the day.
Tears Go Rolling: The album’s “epic,” with two lead singers, different parts in entirely different tempos and soaring guitar solos designed to wrench the lighters out your pocket to wave in the air. Yeah, the 80s were all about the epic. This is the song where there was blank spot in file and I had to patch it. I nailed the instrumental patch but you’ll probably be able to tell where I dubbed in my voice. Which is okay! It doesn’t have to be seamless! I do enjoy the idea that 56-year-old me is collaborating with 17-year-old me. Hello, 17-year-old me! Enjoy your hair!
Pauline: The opening guitar riff feels kind of Red Hot Chili Peppers (in contemplative mode), and then the middle the guitars go a little Johnny Marr. However, don’t actually expect either RHCP or Smiths! The guitar is leading down you a path! The song itself is going somewhere else entirely!
There, I hope this musical experience has been everything you’ve hoped for and more. Also, surprise! 327/38 is also available on streaming. The long-lost EP absolutely no one was asking for is now everywhere! So now you never have to be without it. Ever. And thank goodness for that.
Now, for the sake of completeness: Credits!
327/38
Originally produced by Tommy Kim, additional engineering by John Scalzi
All songs Tommy Kim except “It’s a New Reality” by Tommy Kim and John Scalzi
Chris Godfrey: Keyboards
John Herpel: Guitar
George Huang: Guitar
Scott Moore: Vocals
John Scalzi: Drums
Steve Shenbaum: Vocals
Kevin Stampfl: Bass
You may ask: Will we ever get the band back together? Well, if Spinal Tap can do it after 41 years, it’s not out of the question. Maybe Tommy needs tenure.
— JS
New Cover: “Everyday”
Jul. 5th, 2025 10:16 pmscalziwhatever_feedIt’s a short and sweet oldy but a goody this time out, from Buddy Holly. Why this one? Why not? It’s been covered by just about everyone, from James Taylor to Erasure, and I really like the song, and I had free time this weekend, so here we are. If you like it, fabulous, if you don’t, well, it’s two minutes long, it’ll be over quickly enough.
And for those of you who have somehow never heard the original, here you go:
— JS
It’s the Nation’s Birthday
Jul. 4th, 2025 03:57 pmscalziwhatever_feedAnd we have a lot to think about.
— JS
savagelove_feedLet’s struuuuuuuuggle… I took a call on the Lovecast this week from a woman who slept with a former professor when she was 19 and he was 27. They were both consenting adults, she wasn’t his student anymore, she pursued him… and then he dumped her for someone else. Years later, she reached out to … Read More »
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The Big Idea: E. L. Starling
Jul. 3rd, 2025 03:57 pmscalziwhatever_feed
We do so love the big blue marble we call home, don’t we? But what if humans had another home, and what if it was our red and dusty space neighbor? Author E.L. Starling poses this question in the Big Idea for newest novel, Bound By Stars, thinking up possibilities about the future that are certainly dystopian, but also realistic. Follow along on a journey through the stars, and try to keep afloat as the (space)ship goes down.
E. L. STARLING:
My family rewatches Interstellar together every year, which sometimes (read: always) devolves into a heated debate about complex theories, space time, and whether “they” really were aliens or just an unfathomable combination of future human technology and a natural anomaly splicing through the multiverse. (Probably the aliens, right?)
In spring of 2022, as the credits rolled, my oldest veered off our usual set of topics and brought up a certain billionaire’s desire to terraform Mars. We all responded with eye rolls and a version of the same sentiment, “How about putting that effort into combating climate change on this planet where we already have oxygen, water, and atmosphere?”
Plus, if I’m being completely honest, even if Mars was a viable option for everyone, you can still leave me here. Reading in a car going 25 mph flips my stomach inside out. And, the vastness of the unknown is a fear I would rather not face.
But, what would that be like? What if the wealthy abandoned Earth to create a utopia 140 million miles away and left the rest of the world’s population behind? Would they really leave Earth for good? Terraforming is a long game. They would still need resources. Would they use Earth like their new planet’s remote farm and factory? There was so much to consider.
This discussion sparked an idea. Two worlds. Separated by space and socioeconomic classes.
As my family members scattered, I was building the dystopia in my mind: After the Earth is ravaged by climate change, the population decimated, and society reshaped, the wealthy still control the resources, but they’ve drilled for water, built infrastructure, and established a safe haven in luxurious habitat cities on Mars.
The dynamics of the world set up the perfect main characters: two people from different classes and different planets. And what if they were teenagers in this world— still required to manage school, bullies, love, homework, and their impending futures? What if I upped the stakes further and put them on a doomed starliner between their two worlds? There was The Big Idea: YA Titanic-in-space.
Enter Jupiter Dalloway and Weslie Fleet. Jupiter is from Mars. Born at the top of society. The heir to a multi-trillion-dollar company. Unsatisfied with his predetermined future. Weslie’s from Earth. Hardened by a life of struggle and injustice. Full of confidence and armed with the attitude to call out Jupiter’s alarming privilege. Both of them seventeen, on the tailend of adolescence. Two people who learn to appreciate and celebrate each other’s differences despite the backdrop of a complex and oppressive world.
Choosing to write Bound by Stars as a YA novel was a conscious endeavor for me. At that age, you’re near adulthood, but still not fully in control of your own life. There are people who dictate the basics of your day to day, but you’re the one expected to make decisions about your future. High school graduation, college, the rest of your life is just around the bend in the road ahead. You’re shaped by every heartbreak, moment of triumph, cruel word, and act of kindness. And all the emotions inside you are bigger, stronger, more passionate. The future feels open. Possible. Big. Scary.
I love celebrating this multitude for joy, hope, injustice, and even sadness. In my opinion, this is great insight into why we often throw teenager characters into dystopian stories. While sometimes labeled as “overly emotional” or “out of control,” that “too much-ness” of adolescence is human emotion at its absolute fullest capacity. I can’t help but respect someone who can experience heartbreak like a life-ending blow and still care about their friends, show up for band practice, sing their heart out in a theater production, and write that 5-page essay due at the end of the week.
And on top of it all—today’s youth are growing up with a true fear of climate change and developing an understanding of the dangers of unfettered capitalism in real time, while being asked “What do you want to do with your life after high school?”
Of course, the compelling lightbulb of “Titanic-in-space” was fun and romantic: a chance to create parallels to an epic love story in a high-stake situation. But there was a level deeper. Underneath the outrageous opulence of the ship headed for Mars, sharp banter between characters from different worlds, slow-burn romance, and an action-packed, “there aren’t enough lifeboats (or escape pods in this case)” climax, Bound by Stars is a story about relatable, young characters navigating life in bleak future landscape. After all, dystopian novels can reflect the complexities of existing in this stage of life, while—hopefully—offering a bit of hope and inspiration.
Bound By Stars: Amazon|Barnes & Noble|Bookshop
Your Wednesday Watermelon Report
Jul. 2nd, 2025 07:50 pmscalziwhatever_feedWhilst I was perusing the produce section at Kroger last week, I came across a watermelon. Not just any watermelon, though. Private Selection’s “Black Diamond” watermelons. I figured since y’all seemed to enjoy my orange review, you might want the skinny on this here watermelon, as well:
Unlike the Sugar Gem oranges, this watermelon was sweeter than a regular ol’ watermelon. Not only that, but the label boasts a rich, red flesh. I thought it may have been all talk, but lo and behold it was indeed very red! I bought this one for six dollars, which is pretty much the exact same cost as a regular watermelon, and it’s roughly the same size, so I’d say you should go ahead and buy this one over the regular ones if you are someone who prefers a juicier, sweeter watermelon.
I served this watermelon to my parents, both of whom do not particularly care for watermelon, and they made a point of telling me how good this particular watermelon was and ended up eating a good bit of it when normally they probably wouldn’t have opted for any watermelon at all.
With the 4th approaching this weekend, I assume many of y’all will want to pick up a watermelon, and I think if your Kroger has these ones lying around you should give it a try! I’ve been meaning to buy another one because it’s the perfect refreshing snack during this recent heat wave.
It’s nice to try something new and actually have a good experience with it. Those Sugar Gem oranges may have been a bust, but this Black Diamond Watermelon is definitely a winner in my book.
Do you like watermelon? If you don’t, would you be willing to give this one a try based on my parents’ reaction to it? Do you have fun plans for the 4th? Let me know in the comments, and have a great day!
-AMS
The Big Idea: Matthew Kressel
Jul. 1st, 2025 01:50 pmscalziwhatever_feed
Hop on board for author Matthew Kressel’s newest ride through the galaxy, Space Trucker Jess. In this Big Idea as he takes you through not only his writing process for this particular story, but on a journey through a high-concept sci-fi world viewed through the eyes of a teenage girl.
MATTHEW KRESSEL:
I was a feral kid. Both my parents worked full-time jobs, and I’d come home to an empty house. I had no supervision. I went off with friends and we, ahem, did things. Stupid things. Really fucking stupid things. And when I look back on those days I’m like, How the hell did I make it out alive?
But that freedom was glorious. You could do whatever you wanted. Go anywhere. You had the feeling that anything could happen. And it often did. The good and the bad.
That’s the kind of feeling I hope to evoke in Space Trucker Jess. The joy and spontaneity of discovery. In my childhood, we got into trouble all around the neighborhood. In my novel, Jess gets into hijinx across the galaxy.
Like Jess herself, I began the book with a simple premise: Screw the “rules.”
In my past stories and novels, I labored over every paragraph, sentence, word, and punctuation mark until I’d wound myself into a Gordian knot a million words long. In Jess, I felt the need to loosen the bridles, to let my idea run wild, like that feral kid who got into trouble around the neighborhood. What emerged was Jess, a take-no-shit foul-mouthed kick-ass teenaged girl who’s smart as hell, caring and empathetic, who solves problems not with violence but with brains and determination. Though too often for her own good, Jess’s curiosity gets her into trouble. Big trouble.
Think Natasha Lyonne narrating 2001: A Space Odyssey.
There’s lots of high-concept SF, and, yeah, Space Trucker Jess has all the tropes: starships and FTL travel, alien gods, missing planets, galactic secrets. But I wanted to tell the story a different way. Not from an omniscient or a dry and distant third person, but from deep in the point of view of a sensitive and expressive girl who’s journeyed across the Milk and back a thousand times and who knows more about starships than most people know their own nose.
And so you get high philosophy and fart jokes. Orthodox religion and irreverent sacrilege. Weird inscrutable aliens and deadbeat dads. All told from a foul-mouthed over-confident, wicked-smart and sometimes willfully naive girl who just wants, at the end of the day, to be left the hell alone.
Space Trucker Jess is also about identity. I wrote a good chunk of the book during the first Covid lockdowns. Cut off from friends and family, from work and all the many inter-personal relationships I took for granted, I felt my sense of self drifting. Without those external interactions reflecting my identity back to me, I didn’t know who I was anymore. It was very disconcerting.
A lot of that experience makes its way into the book. Jess’s worldview expands enormously throughout the novel, sometimes suddenly and violently, and she is forced to reckon with a new sense of self and a greater awareness.
Also, Space Trucker Jess is about family. Jess loves her deadbeat dad, and she and him have been grifting their way across the galaxy for years. But she knows he’s an asshole, he knows he’s an asshole, but she just can’t let him go. The relationship is, from the start, highly dysfunctional. Jess just wants stability, away from him. But getting away is harder than it sounds. Without getting too personal, I had a lot of turbulence in my childhood home, and I wanted to explore the contrasts between the family we’re born with and the family we choose, and how those dynamics can alter the course of our entire lives, for better or worse.
So if you want to go on a fun adventure alongside a bad-ass genius girl head-firsting her way through the galaxy who’s just looking for some peace in an uncaring universe, while encountering alien gods, missing planets, galactic secrets, and more, well then, Space Trucker Jess might just be your ride.
Space Trucker Jess: Amazon|Barnes & Noble|Bookshop|Powell’s
Dom Mommy
Jul. 1st, 2025 11:00 amsavagelove_feedA woman in her late 40s is struggling to process a relationship she had when she was in college. She slept with a former professor of hers but then got rejected by him. After she moved away, she arranged a visit with him, and got rejected again. Now, over 20 years later, she’s wondering if … Read More »
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Quickies
Jul. 1st, 2025 11:00 amsavagelove_feed1. What advice do you have for young people who want to have an open conversation with their partners about changing aspects of their sex life to make it more pleasurable without hurt feelings or awkwardness? What’s more likely to lead to major hurt: A few awkward conversations now that (hopefully) lead to better conversations … Read More »
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